What makes you nervous?
Oh… before we begin
I’m not just an introvert.
I’m a premium, deluxe, extra-large introvert. 😄
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So honestly?
Almost everything comes with a side of nervousness.
.
I’m that person who hears the doorbell and instantly freezes
“Don’t move. Don’t breathe. Maybe they’ll just… give up.”
(They don’t. And now I have trust issues.)🫣
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Unknown number calling?
Absolutely not.
If it’s important, they’ll text.
If they don’t… then clearly it wasn’t meant for me 😌
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When my phone lights up out of nowhere
my heart reacts like I just got caught doing something illegal.
I stare at the screen, overanalyze the name, the timing, the vibe…
and suddenly I’m not available.
Not physically, not emotionally, not spiritually.
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Social situations?
Oh I go. I even look normal.
But internally
I’m calculating how long I’ve survived
and where the nearest escape route is. 🏃♀️
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And honestly…
before meeting anyone,
I almost never feel like going.
.
It’s always
“Maybe I’ll cancel…”
“Maybe next time…”
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But then I go…
and somehow,
once I’m there
I don’t feel like leaving.
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Funny, right?
.
I’ve tried changing this about myself…
so many times.
Tried being more “easy,” more spontaneous…
.
but I couldn’t.
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And maybe that’s okay.
.
Because somewhere along the way,
I learned something else instead
.
how to quiet the storm inside me.
.
It still gets loud.
It still takes time…
.
but I know how to hold it now.
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And just when I think I’ve handled it all
.
comes the most dangerous sentence
“Can we talk?”
About WHAT??
Why is it always so suspenseful??
Just say it directly…
don’t make me imagine 25 worst-case scenarios
and mentally apologize for things I haven’t even done yet 😭
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And yet…
when I’m actually there
.
something shifts.
.
I listen a little more.
I smile a little softer.
I notice things people don’t say out loud.
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And somehow…
people open up.
They feel heard.
They stay.
.
No one really sees
how loud it is inside my head
because I’ve learned to turn that noise
into calm for others.
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So maybe…
I’m not the loudest person in the room
.
but if you look closely,
I’m the one quietly making it feel warmer…
without anyone really noticing why.
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.
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—Rajeshwari 🧿💕
© Nihshabd by Rajeshwari. All Rights Reserved
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