NihshabdBlog

Tag: introvert life

  • I’m Quiet… But I Hold the Room

    I’m Quiet… But I Hold the Room

    What makes you nervous?

    Oh… before we begin
    I’m not just an introvert.
    I’m a premium, deluxe, extra-large introvert. 😄

    .

    So honestly?
    Almost everything comes with a side of nervousness.

    .

    I’m that person who hears the doorbell and instantly freezes
    “Don’t move. Don’t breathe. Maybe they’ll just… give up.”
    (They don’t. And now I have trust issues.)🫣

    .

    Unknown number calling?
    Absolutely not.
    If it’s important, they’ll text.
    If they don’t… then clearly it wasn’t meant for me 😌

    .

    When my phone lights up out of nowhere
    my heart reacts like I just got caught doing something illegal.
    I stare at the screen, overanalyze the name, the timing, the vibe…
    and suddenly I’m not available.
    Not physically, not emotionally, not spiritually.

    .

    Social situations?
    Oh I go. I even look normal.
    But internally
    I’m calculating how long I’ve survived
    and where the nearest escape route is. 🏃‍♀️

    .

    And honestly…
    before meeting anyone,
    I almost never feel like going.

    .

    It’s always
    “Maybe I’ll cancel…”
    “Maybe next time…”

    .

    But then I go…
    and somehow,
    once I’m there

    I don’t feel like leaving.

    .

    Funny, right?

    .

    I’ve tried changing this about myself…
    so many times.
    Tried being more “easy,” more spontaneous…

    .

    but I couldn’t.

    .

    And maybe that’s okay.

    .

    Because somewhere along the way,
    I learned something else instead

    .

    how to quiet the storm inside me.

    .

    It still gets loud.
    It still takes time…

    .

    but I know how to hold it now.

    .

    And just when I think I’ve handled it all

    .

    comes the most dangerous sentence
    “Can we talk?”
    About WHAT??
    Why is it always so suspenseful??
    Just say it directly…
    don’t make me imagine 25 worst-case scenarios
    and mentally apologize for things I haven’t even done yet 😭

    .

    And yet…
    when I’m actually there

    .

    something shifts.

    .

    I listen a little more.
    I smile a little softer.
    I notice things people don’t say out loud.

    .

    And somehow…
    people open up.
    They feel heard.
    They stay.

    .

    No one really sees
    how loud it is inside my head
    because I’ve learned to turn that noise
    into calm for others.

    .

    So maybe…
    I’m not the loudest person in the room

    .

    but if you look closely,
    I’m the one quietly making it feel warmer…

    without anyone really noticing why.

    .

    .

    A softly lit scene of a woman sitting quietly in a warm, cozy gathering, observing others while holding a calm presence; text reads “I’m Quiet… But I Hold the Room – Nihshabd.”
    Quiet doesn’t mean unnoticed… sometimes it means deeply felt. ✨

    .

    —Rajeshwari 🧿💕

    © Nihshabd by Rajeshwari. All Rights Reserved

  • Confessions of Someone Who Is Terrible at Shopping Sprees

    Where would you go on a shopping spree?

    Woman holding books and coffee in a warm bookstore with the title “Confessions of Someone Who Is Terrible at Shopping Sprees” and Nihshabd.

    .

    If someone handed me

    a card with no limit

    and said,

    “Go. Shop your heart out.”

    .

    I would panic first.

    .

    Because people like me

    don’t know how to shop our hearts out.

    .

    We know how to

    compare prices,

    close tabs,

    and say “maybe later.”

    .

    Shopping sprees belong

    to people who can walk into a store

    and say confidently,

    “I deserve this.”

    .

    Meanwhile I am in aisle three

    arguing with a ₹200 notebook.

    .

    Do I need it?

    No.

    .

    Do I want it?

    Yes.

    .

    Will I buy it?

    Let me walk around the store

    seven more times

    to emotionally prepare.

    .

    If I ever went on a shopping spree,

    it probably wouldn’t be in a mall.

    .

    You would find me

    in a quiet bookstore

    collecting stories like souvenirs.

    .

    Or standing too long

    in the stationery section

    touching notebooks

    as if inspiration comes

    with better paper quality.

    .

    Maybe a pen

    that writes smoother than my thoughts.

    .

    Maybe a candle

    that smells like peace.

    .

    Maybe a plant

    that I will accidentally over-love with water.

    .

    And somewhere between

    the books and the plants

    I will still whisper to myself .

    .

    “Okay but…

    do we really need this?”

    .

    Because old habits don’t leave easily.

    .

    Even with unlimited money

    I would probably leave the store

    with three small things

    and a mild sense of guilt.

    .

    But also a quiet happiness.

    .

    Which, honestly,

    feels like the only kind of shopping spree

    I know how to have.

    Not loud.

    .

    Not extravagant.

    Just a small bag of things

    that make life feel

    a little softer.

    Which, in my case,

    is the closest thing

    to a shopping spree.

    .

    –Rajeshwari 🧿💕

    © Nihshabd by Rajeshwari. All Rights Reserved