When “Being Big” Was the Only Plan

When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?

When I was five,

I didn’t want to be something…

I wanted to be everything

(with zero effort, obviously).

.

Doctor

because I owned a plastic stethoscope

and confidence levels higher than actual doctors.

.

Teacher

just to say,

“Silence!”

to people who weren’t even talking.

.

Pilot

because I thought waving hands

could control air traffic.

(Still think that sometimes in traffic jams.)

.

And sometimes…

I just wanted to be my mother.

.

Wearing her saree,

standing in front of the mirror,

fixing pleats that never stayed,

pretending I had somewhere important to go.

.

No job title.

No big dream.

.

Just… her.

.

Then came the real ambition

to be “older.”

Not successful.

Not happy.

Just… older.

.

Because older people

had no homework,

no bedtime,

and unlimited authority

to say “because I said so.”

.

Scam of the century, honestly.

.

I also wanted to be rich

so I could buy

all the chocolates in the world…

and still cry over the wrong toy.

.

Priorities were clear.

Logic was not required.

.

Funny thing is

nobody asked,

“What will you actually become?”

.

Because at five,

dreams didn’t need backup plans,

or Excel sheets,

or self-doubt.

.

They just needed

a random Tuesday afternoon

and a little imagination.

.

Now people ask me that question

with deadlines in their eyes.

.

“What do you want to be?”

.

And I almost say

five again.

.

Because back then,

I wasn’t confused…

.

I was just

limitless without pressure.

.

Now I’m focused…

.

…on pretending I know

what I’m doing.

.

—Rajeshwari 🧿💕

© Nihshabd by Rajeshwari. All Rights Reserved

Published by nihshabdblog

I’m Rajeshwari💕a fashion illustrator by day, a writer at heart. While my illustrations tell stories through colors, textures, and designs, my words explore the tales that live in my mind and heart❤️. This is my little corner to weave both passions together, one sketch and one sentence at a time.🤍✨

19 thoughts on “When “Being Big” Was the Only Plan

  1. This is beautiful, Rajeshwari. You’ve captured something so true—how the freedom of being five wasn’t about having answers, but about not needing them. The way you weave together the plastic stethoscope, the saree pleats that wouldn’t stay, and that “scam of the century” about being older… it made me smile and sigh in equal measure. That line—”Now I’m focused… on pretending I know what I’m doing”—lands like a quiet truth so many of us carry. Thank you for this. It’s a lovely reminder that maybe we’re not supposed to shrink back into one thing. Maybe we’re still allowed to be everything, even if effort is required now. Keep writing. ❤️

    1. Thank you so much for such a thoughtful comment Shrikanth ji🤍

      The way you’ve understood and expressed it… It really means a lot to me. You noticed all those little details and gave them even more depth.

      Really grateful for this… thank you for taking the time to share it ❤️✨

  2. This is such a tender, beautifully observed piece—it feels like flipping through the soft pages of childhood itself. 🌸

    I love how you’ve captured that innocent ambition of wanting to be everything—not out of pressure, but pure curiosity and imagination. The little details—the plastic stethoscope, the unnecessary “Silence!”, the hand-waving pilot—add such charm and gentle humor. They make the memories feel alive and wonderfully relatable.

  3. Rajeshwari ji… this is not just a post, it’s a mirror we all quietly recognize.

    You’ve captured that innocent chaos of childhood so beautifully where dreams weren’t choices, they were moods. One moment a doctor, the next a pilot, and somewhere in between… just wanting to be maa. That line carries such a tender truth it’s not ambition, it’s belonging.

    And that shift you’ve shown from “I want to be everything” to “I should be something” that’s where life quietly changes its language. The humor makes you smile, but the depth makes you pause.

    “Scam of the century” truly hit hard 😄… because growing up really did come with terms and conditions no one explained.
    What I loved most is the ending
    limitless without pressure.
    That’s something we spend our whole adult life trying to rediscover.
    Beautifully honest, gently nostalgic, and deeply relatable.
    Vijay

    1. Vijay ji… this was so beautifully written, it actually made me pause. 🤍

      The way you expressed it… felt like you saw not just the words, but the feeling behind them.
      That kind of understanding is rare.

      Thank you for reading it with so much depth… it truly means a lot. 🤍✨

  4. You’ve captured the fleeting wishes of childhood with great beauty. Yet, the truth of life remains unchanged, we often long for what we do not have. As you reflected, in childhood you wished to grow older, and now, as an adult, you find yourself yearning to be a child once again.😊

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